It is nearly a year since my last post. A year ago I set creativity, a writing practice, and self-care as goals for myself as I faced the challenges of surgery and a new medical diagnosis. As it turned out, self-care is the only one I can reasonably say I moved forward in, in so much as what felt like ‘Doing Nothing’ for much of the last half of the year, allowed me to rest, heal, and recover from the insults from the first half.
Doing Nothing is an exaggeration. A mom of a grade school child, a psychiatric and mental health practice that was busy even with added weeks of ‘time off’ (a-hem, otherwise known as surgical recovery), our family recovering from Covid, and losing Grandpa, my husband’s father actually kept us feeling like there was too much going on. Too much.
What didn’t we do? We planted a garden, refusing to see that the whole idea was folly, but we didn’t weed it, or tend it and subsequently harvested almost nothing, thank goodness for potatoes! We didn’t socialize as much as we would have liked with friends and family. There are still family members I have not seen since before the pandemic which saddens me. We did not go family camping, despite months of preparing and organizing our gear last Winter, though I ran to the reservoir for a couple of nights while the family was away. Hiking was out of the picture as fatigue lingered into Autumn. The dog and the kiddo suffered the most on that count. I didn’t write anything except for notes related to patient care. Creativity was limited to knitting and imagining, planning, and biding my time. Until when? I wasn’t sure, but I believe that the time could be now.
I’m happy to say things turned around late in the Autumn. Energy levels were returning somewhat, enough to embrace actively retreating into Winter. That retreating provided enough respite from activity to reflect on the challenges and fortune of the last year, which has provided much clarity on where I do want to spend energy, and time and who I want to spend them with.
Work remains fulfilling. Not taking new patients for nearly 7 months provided an opportunity to do deeper work with my clients. Their own experiences in this past transformative year were wonderful teachings to integrate within myself, to translate into conversations with others. I am considering evolving my approach to the work with emerging therapies, but the momentum to dive into something new is stalling and I’m ‘ok; with that.
I’ll take it as a cue from Winter, who has a few weeks left to teach me these lessons: to listen deeply, allow for simplicity a bit longer and do more planning in the rest there is left to enjoy this season.
I think there is more to say but I’m publishing today as it is my New Moon intention to write more. If I need to add an addendum, a ‘Part II’ will be on its way. It’s nice to be back.
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